Performed by Violet DeVille at Vaginomicon: The Vagina Monsterlogues in 2012.
A Message From Mommy
You have four new messages.
Message recorded at 12:15pm
ďHello darling, itís Mommy. Iíve been meaning to say hello but youíve been so busy. I didnít want to interrupt that. I know how you like your privacy. But, Iím your mother and you will always be my child. Itís just something you have to put up with.
ďAnyway, Iíve been meaning to say hello because I wanted you to know that I approve of your newest flame. He is handsome. So handsome. Especially in that military style coat of his. It reminds me of your father before he Ö had to go away.
ďIíve been missing him lately, and you. When you lived at home, we could play ĎPretend Daddy.í Or we could go find a man to play ĎPretend Daddyí with us. Do you remember that game? Such good times. You were always so good at being Daddy.
ďIn any case, I like Jack. Heís a real sweetheart. Iíve see how he treats you in public and private. Heís a passionate one, just like your father was. Also, heís loyal. Iíve spent some time making sure heís good enough for my son. Doesnít cheat, has a good job, and his house is neat. He even folds his underwear. And heís nice to the wait staff at restaurants. Such a good choice. I know you donít like it when I get fussy like this but Iím your Mommy and a Mommy does what a Mommy needs to do.
ďI just thought you would want to know. I love you. Bye!Ē
End of Message.
Message recorded at 12:31pm
ďHello darling, itís Mommy again. I forgot to tell you, I dealt with that waiter at the Triple Door. You know the one Iím talking about. He was so snotty to you. I canít believe you left him a tip after the way he ignored you most of the evening and treated you like dirt whenever he did come by. Trust me when I say he wonít be snotty to you or anyone else ever again. Sometimes you are just too nice for your own good. You need to stand up for yourself once in a while. You do keep me busy protecting you sometimes.
ďAlso, my darling boy, I donít think you should go back to that coffee shop on the corner anymore. That barista, Kathy, she keeps making cow eyes at you and flirting with you like a whore. We both know what sheís wants and I donít approve. I understand she makes a good cup of coffee but I donít like her. Not at all.
ďIíve seen you smile at her and you know how jealous Mommy gets. I canít help it. You are my boy, my son. Mine. Itís best if you just didnít go back to there again. Or, I might have to do something about Kathy. I mean, I will, if you want me to. It is a nice coffee shop. I wouldnít blame you if youíd rather I dealt with her instead of trying out that new place two blocks away. Itís up to you, darling. Iíll know what you want based on what you do on Saturday morning. My son, such a creature of habit.
ďAnyway, just let me know what you want me to do. I love you. Bye!Ē
End of Message.
Message recorded at 12:39pm
ďHello darling, itís me again. Sometimes Iím so forgetful. I was thinking about your career recently. I donít know if I told you lately how proud I am for the work you. I am. My son, the senior accountant. Everyone knows accountants are steady, dependable people. You have such a good work ethic. I should know, I beat it into you.
ďItís that work ethic that has made you such a valuable employee at work. Your numbers are topnotch. I know. I couldnít resist a little look-see into your file. I hope youíre not mad about it. But, itís not like I get report cards for you anymore. I read your review. You make me so proud! I know I shouldnít tell you but I know what your boss is going to tell you.
ďDo you want to know? I shouldnítÖ but you know how I live just for you. I canít resist you anything. Youíre getting a nice raise and a bonus! Iím not going to tell you exact numbers. That can be a surprise your boss tells you.
ďHeís a nice man. I had a drink with him a couple weeks back. Oh, donít worry. I didnít tell him you were my son. I just happen to be in the same bar. He spilled his drink on my skirtóactually, it was my faultóand to apologize, he bought me a drink. It turned out to be a very nice evening.
ďI just thought you would want to know about your review. Now you donít have to worry about it. Take that boy of yours out to dinner to celebrate.
ďI have to go. I love you. Bye now.Ē
End of Message.
Message recorded at 12:43pm
ďDarling! Itís Mommy again. I almost forgot the actual reason I was calling. I picked up your dry cleaning for you. Donít worry about the cost. Itís my pleasure and you can make it up to me on Thursday when you take me out to dinner. I put your clothes away and reorganized your closet for you. I donít know how you find anything when it is such a disorganized mess.
ďAlso, my forgetful darling, you didnít give me a copy of your new apartment key after you changed the locks. I had to get the super to loan me your spare. It took a little convincing that Iím your mother. Donít worry. I didnít, you know, deal with him. He kept saying I was too young to be your mother. Sister, maybe.
ďIt was actually quite pleasant. Itís not the first time Iíve fucked someone to get what I want. He was very enthusiastic. I may have to make him one of my regular pleasure calls. And not just to check up on you. Though, that is an added bonus. Maybe thatíll be my excuse. Oh, DanÖ I forgot my key again. Would you help me unlock the door?
ďI am such a naughty old woman who loves her younger men like you. I guess that makes me a cougar.
ďAnyway, I filled the freezer with some of your favorite homemade meals with instructions on how to cook them taped to the dishes. I made enough for two since youíve been having Jack over more and more often. Itís not good for you two to eat take out so much. Not good for the wallet or the waist line. I think Jack would appreciate a home cooked meal from time to time. You can even tell him that you made it. I donít mind. I know you know the recipes. You could make them if you had time.
ďI have to go, darling. I will see you on Thursday night. Just remember, I love you more than life itself. I would anything for you. And I will always, always watch over you. Bye!Ē
End of Message.
End of New Messages.
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